Hi! This is Amy . . . William said that more people would read if I wrote here. Sorry, this post isn't very light hearted.
I was out with a friend last night and we were talking about the adoption "wait." I went through the usual, we have about 8 more months of waiting (sorry Erin) and we are really excited. Then I went on to say that I wasn't sure if the excited part was true or not. I am excited to have a new baby, and I am excited that we are going to experience the amazing gift of adopting. But I keep thinking about what it would mean to get a referral (that means a child assigned to you.) It would mean that a mother and father are potentially dead, or a grandmother had to make the difficult descion, "I can't take this one," or maybe the baby woke up on the side of the road.
As a parent, one of my worst fears is dying and leaving my children. (Please don't comment and tell me that I would be better off or that the Lord would care for them, I know.) It is hard not to think about what our child will have to go through to get to us. . In some ways I wish that he/she wouldn't have to experience loss or grief or sorrow, but then he/she would not belong to us. I am not at the point where I can rejoice at referral time.
I know that the Lord provides joy in the time of sorrow, I have experienced it.
New Year, New Focus: Inward
3 months ago
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2 comments:
I think your feelings are completely normal. There is so much for us to mourn for our adopted children, the loss of family, the loss of culture, the loss of identity. In our chase I feel what our daughters birthparents did was the ultimate love sacrifice, not becasue her life is so much better hear than it would have been in China but because there are so many other options that would have been eitheir more profitable or easier. I am not sure that you can ever get over or forget the fact that someone made a huge sacrfice so that our children could be a part of our family. But I do know that I need to deal with those emotions because one day it will be my daughter who is mourning that loss, and she will need me.
In our house we celebrate adoption day with complete abandon, but the actual birthday brings me a little sadness. I know that there is a woman in China who is mourning.
Thank you for sharing your heart with me and the others that will read this. I promise to give you space to feel all of this and more during this waiting time and then when our long awaited dear one comes I promise to pray them and you through the future hard feelings. I love you and William, Sam and Lucy and I am already praying for the new Stackler to be...my heart is ready to expand yet again with your family. We can handle the difficult feelings-been there before and still striving/trusting/praying and waiting to someday understand.
Deb
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